Recently, I was stung by retaliation from a friend for something I said.
They thought I was questioning their value in a situation, when I was actually talking about myself and how an event affected me. I got upset initially, but after a pause, I remembered how dicey I can feel about my own value. (the power of “Pause and Reflect”)
This emotional block really came up when I needed to raise money for our school in India. Asking for money for something I believed in put my self-worth on the line. It was painful. So difficult I avoided it until absolutely necessary.
But I’m actually not alone in this, surprise surprise. I’ve got a friend who is a very successful private equity investor in NYC. Over dinner, he admitted he absolutely hated asking people for money. Imagine!
Let’s think about these questions:
Do you believe in yourself?
Do you like yourself?
Do you appreciate yourself?
Are you confident in your abilities and comfortable in who you are - your weight, intelligence, style…
TRUTH: Your self-esteem impacts your ability to live an abundant life.
So think about your role as a parent. Our children see what we do, hear how we talk about ourselves, and inherently pick up whether or not we believe in ourselves and derive their self-worth from us.
Remember what it was like growing up. Your parents probably believed they could control you and your behavior through discipline. You know the old saying, “Spare the rod, spoil the child”.
Critical attention was placed on the things done incorrectly and the clock was ticking. Days were filled with criticism. Children were seen (and still are) as a direct representation of their parents. So they must model the acceptable behavior according to those times.
“Stop acting up. Don’t cry. Eat all your dinner.” Pleasing our parents brought love and acceptance. Doing the things they didn’t want us to do brought condemnation and punishment.
But as time goes by, we glean perspective and knowledge. We learn different ways of doing things. As we evolve in our understanding of the importance of self-love, we realize parenthood is a sacred relationship.
Our goal is not to break their spirit, but nurture their potential to fly. Children are perfect just as they are, as we are perfect just as we are. They just need gentle guidance and to be taught how to set boundaries.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being told what to do. In fact, the best way to ensure I’m not going to do something is to tell me to do it. How is this any different for our children? And how effective is it really to tell them to do something “because I said so”.
Do we want our children’s behavior to be driven by the need to stay out of trouble or driven by the need to do the right thing. Fear based versus love based. Which is the true winner?
I came across a powerful post from Karen Young. She explains the importance of focusing on our child’s potential versus their deficiencies. This message really resonated with me...
“Our words are powerful. They can light our children up from the inside out or they can land on their shoulders like little spears. When criticism happens too often, those little spears will find their way deep into the core of them. They will do damage and they will leave scars.”
We all have an inner child that was hurt in some way. When we do the work to identify the wounds, we actualize the power of living a life directed by love versus fear. So we extend this to our children. We teach them life loves and supports them. They are safe. All is well.
Mental health starts with loving ourselves and flows to an approach to parenting that protects our children’s love for self. We fuel their self esteem. Our words power their belief in themselves.
Imagine a world filled with people who believe in themselves, value their worth, empowered by love. We have a magical opportunity to nurture this future. But it begins with our own mental health.
Healthy Mind, Abundant Life